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Staci Haines

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The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse Paperback – May 28, 1999

by Staci Haines (Author)

4.5 52 ratings

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Based on the author's extensive training and experience in working with abuse survivors, The Survivor's Guide to Sex offers an affirming, sex-positive approach to recovery from incest and rape. While most books on the topic broach sexuality only to reassure women that it is alright to say "no" to unwanted sex, this one encourages women to learn how to say "yes" to their own desires and on their own terms.

Points of discussion include problems common to women survivors. Haines teaches survivors to embrace their own sexual choices and preferences, learn about their own sexual response cycles, and heal through masturbation, sexual fantasy, and play. The Survivor's Guide to Sex includes resources, bibliography, and an index.

Print length

300 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Cleis Press
Publication date

May 28, 1999
Dimensions

7.25 x 0.5 x 9.25 inches
ISBN-10

1573440795
ISBN-13

978-1573440790
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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Sex-positive and daring, The Survivor's Guide to Sex will support any woman's pursuit of pleasure and confidence. In fact, its cheery outlook may startle those who have been addressing these issues in guarded terms with a therapist, or who haven't put their fears and desires into words. Haines ably discusses common negative reactions among survivors, such as withdrawal and dissociation, and suggests ways to move on. Her chapters on "Sexual Response and Anatomy" and "Masturbation and Self-Healing" may come as a revelation to women who have repressed their sexual feelings, and partners, too, will find much of interest. Some survivors of abuse may not be ready, perhaps, for the advanced course in radical sex that Haines eventually launches into, but it is still good to learn that "a suede whip will give more of a thud that spreads sensation at first; it will give more sting as it collects body oils." --Regina Marler

From the Back Cover

"What a terrific book! Every survivor needs this encouraging, down-to-earth guide-and the joy of freely-chosen, healthy sexual pleasure."-Ellen Bass, co-author, The Courage to Heal: Move over abuse, and move in pleasure! The Survivor's Guide to Sex is for all women-heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, partnered and single-who want to delight in their own sexuality. Based on the author's extensive training and experience in working with abuse survivors, The Survivors Guide to Sex offers a complete guide to sexual recovery: Pleasure and Desire- How to discover and fully own your desires on your own terms. Nonjudgmental support for all sexual styles and interests.Dissociation- Discover how you "checked out" to survive and how you can "check in" now for healing and your own sexual expression. Embodied Sex- No more grocery lists and wrestling matches with relics of the past! Learn how to be in your body during sex, present for yourself and your partners.Consent and Boundaries- The "yes," "no," and "maybe" of sex. How to say "yes" to your desires and develop boundaries to take care of yourself. Triggers- A sex life built around triggers becomes no sex life at all. Practical tools for healing through triggers while enjoying all the delights and complexities of a fully-embodied sex life. Sex Information- Chock full of sex-positive information on all aspects of sexual response, masturbation, and partner sex, tailored to the needs of survivors.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Cleis Press; F First Edition Used (May 28, 1999)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 300 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1573440795
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1573440790
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.36 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 7.25 x 0.5 x 9.25 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #275,575 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #394 in General Sexual Health
- #394 in Abuse Self-Help
- #768 in Sex & Sexuality

Customer Reviews:
4.5 52 ratings

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Staci Haines

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Staci K. Haines is a national leader in the field of Somatics, specializing in healing individual and systemic trauma and bringing somatics to social justice movements. She is a senior teacher at Strozzi Institute and a Master Somatic Coach. She is a co-founder of generation FIVE, a national organization whose mission is to end the sexual abuse of children within 5 generations, transitioning from Director to the board in 2007. She has been organizing and educating in the area of child sexual abuse since 1985 and has long term involvement in the sexual assault, racial justice, and environmental sustainability movements and the work to intersect these agendas. She is the author of the book Healing Sex (Cleis 1999, 2007), and the DVD Healing Sex (SIR Productions 2005) both offering a mind/body approach to healing from sexual trauma and developing vital intimate relationships. She recently co-authored chapters in The Courage to Heal 20th year anniversary edition (Harper Collins 2008). She is the originator of Somatics and Trauma and leads courses teaching community activists, social justice leaders, and healing practitioners to mend the impact of individual and systemic trauma. In 2009, Staci and a core group of movement leaders launched the Somatics and Social Justice Collaborative, a year long process to develop a change model integrating personal and social transformation, and informed by somatics. Staci is committed to the intersection of personal healing and social justice work, and sees that both have to be addressed to bring the change and justice we desire in the world.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5

52 global ratings

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ibenson

This book very thoroughly covers a variety of topics for ...

Reviewed in the United States on December 12, 2016

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This book very thoroughly covers a variety of topics for the sexual abuse survivor. There are some chapters that do focus on sexual technique that I decided I could skip, but others may find them very helpful. It was a relief to hear other experiences that echoed my own and made me feel less alone. For me personally, the chapters on Dissociation (Chapter 3), Self Denial (Chapter4) and Embracing Triggers (Chapter 11) alone are worth the price of the book and gave me coping tools beyond any other book or even therapy has given me. This book has helped me with a lot of anxiety/ depression related issues outside sex as well.

9 people found this helpful

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Natalie

Informative, Sensitive, Very Helpful and Beneficial

Reviewed in the United States on March 15, 2015

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I am not a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, but I found this guide extremely informative and enlightening. It gave me a new perspective and appreciation for all those who have survived such abuses. I found this guide helpful and am using many of its suggestions in my own life. This is important: you do not have to be a survivor to gain knowledge, insight and help from this guide! Everyone can benefit.

One person found this helpful

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Clinical Therapist

Covers many topics clients are afraid to talk about.

Reviewed in the United States on September 28, 2019

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Wish there was an updated version of this book. Some terminology needs updated. It was a great read for my clients that are figuring out their sexuality after abuse.

3 people found this helpful

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Deadwood

A very important book for survivors

Reviewed in the United States on January 20, 2005

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At some point in their healing, all survivors of childhood sexual abuse should read this book. It is straightforward and to the point, and this style helps the survivor feel that sexual feelings and actions are not something to be ashamed of. Many books for survivors tend to coddle the survivor because of the terrible ordeal she underwent, but this one presents a no-holds-barred discussion of sex and provides exercises to become more comfortable with sex. Very important book for the sexual healing process.

30 people found this helpful

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Magnus

It's a great book about sexual baggabe and how to deal with ...

Reviewed in the United States on May 8, 2018

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It's a great book about sexual baggabe and how to deal with it, even for people who haven't been victims of child abuse.

Reviewed in the United States on September 19, 2018

Verified Purchase

Just the book I was needing. A lot of information

Reviewed in the United States on September 17, 2009

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While cleaning, I found the title of The Survivor's Guide to Sex...written on a piece of paper from a few years ago. This prompted me to see if I could find an affordable copy on Amazon. I was grateful to find one in my price range.This book has been informative and helpful to me. There are questions, I'm too embarassed to ask or talk about with my therapist and the book fills in the blanks safely.

5 people found this helpful

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Lauren L

Great Book for suvivors of rape and/or sexual abuse.

Reviewed in the United States on August 22, 2013

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I was raped and this book has helped me immensely in my recovery. I had problems with triggers, and this book is helping me learn to embrace and move through my triggers.

One person found this helpful

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PJ

Five Stars

Reviewed in Canada on December 29, 2014

Verified Purchase

Helped me in my recovery.

Charlotte

Amazing and wonderful

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 28, 2012

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The survivors guide to sex is a really wonderful book whether you have been sexually abused or not. It helps you discover and understand you responses o sex and feelings of insecurity regarding sex.

2 people found this helpful

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The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse Paperback – May 28, 1999

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Staci Haines

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